Right to See Chapter(s):
Real people, real circumstances, fake stories.Summary: What they had between them is like a flickering light – on and off, on and off.
“See you, Aoi.”
A kiss was left on Aoi’s lips but he didn’t – couldn’t – respond. Uruha then loosened his grip on the older’s shirt; he was more than okay with the absence of a kiss for himself. The kiss was a more-than-accurate symbol of what they had – soft, safe, short-lived.
Aoi didn’t want any of those.
Finally the both of them pulled back from each other, with Uruha’s lips tugged into a small smile and Aoi’s pulled into a forced one. They stood there in his doorstep for what seemed like an eternity; at least it was for Aoi. Even if Uruha stared at him with an innocence he found charming, lovable, there was the nagging thought at the back of his mind saying that nothing really is what it seems. And indeed, nothing between them is ever what it seems.
What they had between them is like a flickering light – on and off, on and off. Neither of them willing to fix anything to make things permanent. There was a time when Aoi wanted to, but gave up in the long run anyway. It wasn’t for the fact that Uruha perhaps wanted only to satisfy desires, fill voids – all of those didn’t matter to Aoi, really. What mattered to him is the fact that no matter what he did, whatever persuasion he uttered, whatever part of him he offered, there was still a side to Uruha that he’ll never get to see.
Aoi feared that. Even in a love that’s one-sided, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to give himself away like that to somebody he didn’t quite understood, somebody who wore his mask ever so perfectly that anybody would surely be fooled by it. Aoi surely wasn’t fooled, and he was scared of falling in love – falling too deeply in love — with somebody who might not even be real.
The younger finally let go and started to head to the other side of the road, throwing his goodbye with a silent wave of the hand. Aoi simply watched Uruha as he carefully crossed the street, inwardly shaking his head. Perhaps the frequent recurrence of their clandestine meetings was already taking a toll on him. Nevertheless, there’s no way he’s bringing his guard down.
Aoi turned on his heels to go back inside but as he neared the door, he threw one last look behind. There was Uruha, hands inside the pockets of his coat. One would think that he’d still have the childlikeness he displayed earlier – by now he’d have gone to the nearest bus stop or at least desperately turn his head around to look for a cab. But he didn’t, and instead he just stood there, staring back at Aoi.
The words ‘see you’ lingered at the end of Aoi’s tongue and a bittersweet smile was at the end of his lips. Maybe, maybe not.
Aoi held the words on his mouth and watched Uruha’s form be shrouded with the night’s darkness and passing cars. And as the gleaming lights died at the corner of his eyes, he figured that perhaps, he’d never really get to see what’s beyond the other side.