1/1Author: xxshamisen Genre:
Angst, fluff (FLANGST! xDD)Rating:
Everything written here came from my imagination. Plus I don't own any of the boys
though I wish I did xD
.Summary: Will you hold me now? Comments:
You must know that I hate sad endings. Yes I do.
“Am I ever gonna feel myself again?”
As those words left Uruha’s lips, Aoi knew he couldn’t possibly look into his eyes. In his heart he knew how the blond looked. The pained look in his eyes despite the smile, despite the seemingly joking tone he knew the graveness of that simple phrase. Instead what the brunet did was hold the other’s hand, even if at first he resisted, but eventually gave into the soft touch.
Uruha wanted to speak of how each passing day only gave him the disgusting feeling of emptiness, and that even throughout the merriment and the success he just wanted to disappear into the void. As if nothing was worth of anything anymore. He was never alone, but he was always lonely. He had exquisite skill and beauty, but inside he was revolting. And the silence between them that he himself established was so painful even death seemed to be kinder.
He also wanted to speak of how much of a fool he had been. And true enough, he had been stupid. It was stupid of him to think that the thing that they had between the two of them could possibly get in the way of their music. There had been rough times, that he had to admit, but there really was nothing they couldn’t do. Not when Aoi did everything to make it work. It was really selfish of him to think of such, that he realized now, when he’s the one barely exerting any effort, seeing the band as an excuse to get away from his part of the responsibility. How selfish he had been was so funny that it hurt. And it hurt bad.
But he couldn’t pull any more words out of his throat. It just wouldn’t come out even if he knew the words to say. Perhaps it was his conscience’s way of saying that he didn’t have any right to speak at the moment, when he could only imagine the pain Aoi went through when he said his harsh parting words. He didn’t even deserve to be in the other’s presence, but instead Aoi welcomed him with open arms. Even without words Uruha knew that Aoi was once more offering his heart to him.
Aoi knew of the blond’s inner turmoil – that’s how much he loved him. Unable to speak when there was so much to say, restraining himself from doing anything for thinking that he wasn’t worthy. Those things reflected in the tears that trickled down Uruha’s cheeks and Aoi frowned, wiping them off from his face. Such ugliness shouldn’t stain his love’s beauty.
The tears flooded even more when Uruha was pulled into an embrace; Aoi cradling him ever so softly and placing soft kisses on top of his head. He didn’t ask why the other was this kind, this loving, this forgiving for he knew the answer himself. To release himself from this pain, he also knew what to do. He had to rouse away from this pointless winter sleep. And Aoi, as always, would be more than happy to wake him.