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花 言 葉 × h a n a k o t o b a
seems that soon i'll wither away without knowing the answer
              I like talking. I… 
Mar 13 09
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I like talking. I like talking especially when it comes to something I did, like my fics. So, this section is dedicated just for that. You'll find my ramblings about the things that I've written -- my inspirations, my thoughts on them -- because the Author's Notes/Comments section just isn't enough for me. 8D Also, I'd like to think of this section as a place in where I can put my 'interpretations' of the fics I've written. Every reader of a piece has their own interpretation of it, and so here are mine. I may talk here as the author, I may talk here as the reader (yes, I read my own fics sometimes), but even though I have these interpretations, I'm not saying that the way you interpret my works are wrong. I believe that any piece of writing can mean different things to different people. In fact, I'd like to hear your own interpretation to my works, so don't hesitate to comment here, even if you've commented on the fics themselves.

I would respect though if you don't want to see the things I've written here, because I understand that some would rather not see what the author of the story really meant. Honestly I'm like that sometimes, but then I wouldn't be able to resist and read the comment anyway xDD So, if you'd just want to put up your interpretation, then you can head on over here.

Not all my works would have a corresponding 'thought' although I may add more in the future. I hope you enjoy them. So. Let's start. ^^



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The Smile That You Wore && Sugarcoats and Heartbeats

Aside from being an evolution of my other fic Matter of Knowing, The Smile That You Wore actually came from an idea of mine with regards smiles, hence the name. The premise is that Aoi has yet to see Uruha's true smile, one that really comes from his heart instead of the polite and sarcastic ones that he usually throws. Honestly The Smile~ didn't have much of a plot, and it was hard to go by with that idea alone. I realized that it was actually hard to make a multichapter fic that tackles the boys' non-AU lives without it seeming too crappy or sappy or anything. Well that was the case for me. That's why I've decided to discontinue the series, as I have absolutely no idea what to make of it anymore. I'm quite thankful because I didn't include any cliffhangers or anything in the chapters that I've written, at least I think so. I hope you guys forgive me for that. m(_ _)m

This is where Sugarcoats~ comes in place. It actually has no relation to The Smile~ whatsoever, but it's the fulfillment of my idea about smiles.




From Twelve to Forever && Happiness by the Kilowatt

From Twelve was supposed to be a long oneshot, but while I was writing it I hit a writer's block, and felt guilty about not being able to finish it. So what I did was just make a hasty ending, post it up, and I didn't feel guilty anymore. You'd really notice I just ended it there because if I dragged on and tried to finish it, it would've ended up looking like crap, I think. Thankfully the muses came back to me and so I was able to write Happiness.

What triggered me to write about prostitutes, you may ask? At the time I just finished reading Coelho's Eleven Minutes (hence the similarity in the title) and just fell in love with the character of Maria, the prostitute. She was a strong, independent woman, who sold herself out of need, but even so she didn't let herself to be pushed around for what she did, not by her customers, not by people who knew her. I wanted to create an Aoi/Uruha story with a setting similar to Eleven Minutes, so I did. Even though it's an AU story, I made it as believable and as in character as I possibly could, so there you have Uruha being his hedonistic self and Aoi being his 'mature' self.

I think the fics give a somewhat dream-like feeing, I don't know why. Most of my more 'intelligent' fics seem to do that to me, and I wonder if it does the same to you guys. Anyway, I really meant it to be as fluffy as it is, because Aoi/Uruha fluff is something that I like seeing.



Danse Macabre

Danse Macabre was written for one of my classes in uni. We were supposed to write what we could see when we listened to the songs our prof has uploaded. We were supposed to pick out one out of the two songs that she uploaded, and so I chose the song Nara. Writing it was horrible, really. I didn't like listening to that kind of music, and needing to write something for it was even more horrible. I kept thinking about jungles, and was even called weird because I thought like that. However, I've already decided to make an Aoi/Uruha fic out of it way before the songs were uploaded, and I never backed from my word.

I only wrote the piece less than an hour before my first class started. The day that I wrote it, I was really frustrated and was resolved not to write Aoi/Uruha anymore because it was just so hard. So what I did was leave my computer open, crank the volume up and listen to the song while I took a shower (LOL TMI). Somehow inspiration struck, and near the end of the song, the sentence 'And everything fell into silence' just popped up. I tried building the idea from there, and by the time I finished taking a shower, I also finished the story in my head. Basically the idea was that Aoi is a dancer, and knowing that he was about to die, he gave his last performance. He was sad that he was about to die, but tried to stay strong in the face of death. However, fear managed to get to him, and so he tried to run away. Futile, but it was very human, and Uruha understood that. Uruha wanted to ease Aoi's pain, but given the situation, he could only watch.

That was the original idea. But upon reading the piece again, I came to interpret the piece differently since it was worded vaguely anyway. The other idea that I had was that it's Uruha who died, and he was prepared for it. Possible, right? Of course, Aoi was still sad, he was still hurting, but mainly that's because he's the one to cause Uruha's death. At first he ran away because he didn't want the other to meet his demise, but figured there's no use fighting fate.

Thankfully the image of jungles didn't persist while I was writing it. Other than the jungles, I was also able to see some blue skies while listening to the song, hence the scenery for it. I never meant for it to be sad, really; in fact, I don't think of it as a sad fic. It was just too quiet, I guess. As for the title, again I'm just being pretentious 8D *bricked* It's French for dance of death, and I used it to match the piece's somewhat elegant feel. I hope I didn't disappoint~



Until the Day We Gain Wings

Ah, this is one of my favorite pieces. Until the Day was actually made because of a request by noctiferi who wanted to see something about Aoi and Uruha being in their PS Carnival hakama, and a request by hitsugi_lex for something with regards to the full moon. I'm really happy with how it turned out. =3

01: Ferris Wheel was written because at the time I was hatching ideas for this particular fic, rheakurokawa posted some lovely prompts, and I wanted to use them. I figured instead making a totally new fic, I should just include it in Until the Day. So I decided for a three-part story: the first one happening in the morning, the next in the evening, and the last in the next day. Since it was noctiferi's request that triggered this, I opted to write about the last part first, so the story would go from romantic, semi-romantic, then romantic with a little bit of angst. But then I didn't want to end it even with the slightest of angst, so I just made the first part of the story first.

The prompt was a really pretty picture, and I was able to use it well, I think. As you may have noticed, I talked quite bitterly about the ferris wheel because I'm terribly afraid of heights. So whatever fear you may have sensed in the fic, that's just me. As for the metaphors, well, here's my explanation for it. As I've explained in the fic itself, what Aoi understood about 'reaching the sky' was their success as a band. After all, being that successful really did seem similar to reaching the sky. But Uruha didn't mean that -- he was meaning about something greater than that. Actually, what Uruha meant by 'reaching the sky' was finding love. Success as a band was something secondary to finding true love, and so he compared it to simply being able to see the view from below a ferris wheel, which was marvellous too, but not as exhilirating as reaching the sky or the highest point of the ride. Aoi understood that Uruha meant something different, guessing that it was love, or at least a relationship, that Uruha talked about. So Aoi likened a relationship to the flimsy ferris wheel, which to him, seemed like something that could fall apart easily. The prospect of Uruha falling in love was something that he didn't like, hence the bitter answer. By this time though, he's only realizing what feelings he really had for the other guitarist.

02: Moon Viewing was triggered not only because of hitsugi_lex's request, because nights prior to writing the fic, there had been a lunar eclipse, and as weird as it sounds, there had been full moons a couple of days in a row too. The night before I wrote the fic, on my way home, I also saw a full moon similar to the one in the picture, and somehow I got inspired.

The idea behind this one is simple: Uruha simply thinks that anybody or anything shouldn't hide themselves, because regardless of how they look or seem, there's always beauty within them. Aoi thought otherwise, and upon hearing what Uruha had to say about it, he realized that he was attracted to the uninhibited, make-up less Uruha.

03: Clashing Colors/Angel's Embrace is... well. I dunno, I just think it's lovely. This chapter had so many symbolisms, really. Well first, it was Aoi finding the clashing colors of his hakama and the leaves fluttering about very peaceful -- as he said, it was a break from their pretentiousness. Of course they couldn't complain because they wanted to hold their success longer, but Hokkaido's natural feel just was their well-deserved break from commercializing themselves. Aoi was just glad that this being natural -- wearing hakamas and embracing nature -- was still part of who really Gazette is. Then there was the part about learning new things about Uruha, and really, it was just a case of 'looks can be deceiving.' There was the beauty part too, and I think that speaks for itself already.

Now my favorite part -- the talk about angels. But first I'd like to talk about the title, haha. I swear I badly wanted to change the title for this because it's so cheesy and sounded as if it was the title of some yaoi manga. Yeah, I suck at titles LOL. Anyway, you might ask, why is it the title in the first place? Well, you remember the talk about reaching the sky in the first chapter, right? It's basically for that -- to put it simply, wings were something that could make a person reach the sky. If the ferris wheel wouldn't cut it, then wings would. At that time that was what I was thinking. I really can't believe I was able to justify the title here.

Just like I explained in the fic, the angel part was inspired by this story which likened lovers to one-winged angels. I'm really happy that it crossed my mind the moment I was writing it because honestly, my plot didn't have a direction, haha 8D But it worked, and I loved the way it ended. However, there was something that I wanted to add to the fic, but didn't put because the ending was best like that and I really didn't want to spoil anybody's mood (I don't want to spoil my own mood haha).

So. What do you think happened to Sakai's camera when it's sitting precariously on Uruha's lap? Fall, of course! And here's what happened after:

“YOU DID WHAT!?”

Uruha immediately hid behind Aoi as Sakai started to go into hysterics upon hearing what happened. Aoi simply stood there with a half-sympathetic, half-amused look on his face as he held up the digital camera, now full of scratches and with a rather large chip on the side. Obviously it wasn’t working anymore too. After all, with Uruha setting the thing down on his lap, of all places, it was bound to fall and bounce on the ground.

“I swear I’m gonna get you a new one when I have money!” Uruha pleaded, genuinely scared at the deathly look their manager shot him.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Aoi butted in, “I’m gonna lend him some more money to get you a better camera, okay? Just don’t kill him yet, we can’t afford to get him killed, you know.”

Sakai just flared his nostrils and sighed angrily, making his way towards the door before he strangles the blond to death. “You better!” With that the manager stormed out of the room, banging the door as hard as he could, making the two other men flinch in surprise.

The blond then exhaled in relief, thanking whatever god there was that he didn’t get killed back there. Sakai surely looked ready to tear him up limb by limb. Aoi then turned back to look at Uruha, but then laughed as he saw the terrified look on the other’s face. Uruha glared at him momentarily, not at all amused with that laugh.

Noticing the pout that started to form on the other’s face, Aoi then stepped closer to him and leaned his forehead against Uruha’s. “At least we get to keep the memory card, right?”

Uruha finally smiled. Aside from the memory card, there was something else that he definitely gained.

=D I needed to put it somewhere, LOL. xD

Also, I'd like to apologize because of a tiny mistake in character that I did. It was only lately that I learned Uruha didn't smoke anymore, so yeah >>;; Hope you forgive me for that. xD

EDIT: Apparently, the angel story was actually from a quote by Luciano de Crescenzo, an Italian writer. What he said was this: “We are all angels with only one wing, only when we come together can we fly.” ♥



Soul Searching

In the past few days I've harbored a liking to Gazette's former drummer, Yune. I can't exactly pinpoint why he stands out to me just now. Maybe it's the fact that I find him pretty (the only time he looked like shit was during the Machibouke no Kouen days or so, where he didn't have long hair) and that he could seriously compete with Uruha, I swear, just take a look at this. So I decided to make a fic about him.

To tell the truth I found it kinda hard to write this one since I know next to nothing about Yune. I really wouldn't know if his personality was off or anything so I just opted for a more 'plot'-driven story, which basically is Yune's departure from Gazette. I could've used other members, but I chose Aoi since they were the former band mates (okay there's Kai, but still). I guess I was carried away by my other fic, One Each At A Time, which also mentioned Yune.

I'm not sure if anybody's written anything with Yune, but if I'm the first one, then :D.



Smile, Smile

I still can't believe I was able to pull angst off with my so-called 'cotton candy' pairing. Kai and Uruha together is seriously like pouring chocolate syrup all over my teeth, as if nothing in the world could give them problems. Everything about the two of them just seems all rainbows and sunshines.

I created this angst fic with that as my basis; that it always seems so perfect with the two of them. And that's the point -- it only seems. People don't know what's going on behind this image of perfection, not even they themselves. But upon the realization of this, they still continued with that picture of being an adorable couple. Perhaps because it's easier that way, they're just used to that, or maybe they're just trying to prove something.

In other words, the magic between them was just lost. In this piece nobody really knows how that came to be. Maybe they still love each other, but they certainly were getting tired of keeping up with the show that they've created.



Surveillance

Ah, this piece was inspired by this picture:



I actually took this at a Starbucks I went to over the weekend, and was just amused at how big it is. I was all, 'wow, people could have sex here.' I just found it odd why they would have a bathroom as large as that.

Anyway, like I said, this was written for kouyou_x3, because I promised her ages ago that I'll write her some hot Uruha/Aoi porn based on her dream, which was Uruha making Aoi scream. Seriously, I didn't think I delivered... gaah, why is porn so hard to write? Yuri-love I'll try making a better one for you, but for now, have this~ ♥

All I can say is that, porn really is hard to write, especially when alone. I have no qualms when I'm writing sex in an RP, but in a story, I just find it a tad harder.

By the way, the title has absolutely no relation to the fic. It was just a random title I came across while surfing iTunes (it's DELUHI's song, actually).

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