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花 言 葉 × h a n a k o t o b a
seems that soon i'll wither away without knowing the answer
Happiness by the Kilowatt - Aoi/Uruha (complete) 
Feb 05 09
Title: Happiness by the Kilowatt
Chapter(s): 1/1 [sequel to From Twelve to Forever]
Author: xxshamisen
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Warnings: Pretty much none except for the use of supposed real names
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except for my stories.
Summary: Uruha couldn’t remember the last time he felt the days pass by so very quickly.

Comment: Your daily dose of fluff and cheese, delivered. [Edited and proofread like whoa.]

“So this is continuous happiness,” the blond breathed.


This time, he smiled. “Nothing.”

Uruha couldn’t remember the last time he felt the days pass by so very quickly. Before, each day had been agonizingly slow for him; finding the days bleak and the nights – though the nights he enjoyed, at least – simply repetitive. There was nothing for him to look forward to but the twelve minutes that he could ride out his carnal pleasures, and even that seemed quite boring to him as the years went by. It wasn’t as fun as it was when he was still starting out in the trade, when it still felt like a real adventure, trying on new positions, new techniques, and of course new faces. But now, for him, everything seemed like the same old moves and the same old arrangements, and everyone the same old men (and women, occasionally). There still was the twelve minutes of satisfaction, but after that, the empty, tedious feeling would come back again.

Although now, he was here, silently contemplating about how fast the moments went by; sitting under the shade of a lovely maple tree on an equally lovely autumn afternoon with a man he knew a few days back.


There was still an enigmatic ring to the name as Uruha repeated it in his thoughts. Nobody, however, could argue that the blond might only be feeling this way as the two of them have only known each other for a short span of time. Regardless of the mere five days since they met, both already knew what the other thought. Without even talking or glancing at each other, Uruha knew already which people Aoi would ask to be his model just as Aoi knew how many customers Uruha had the other night. Each second of those five days was spent in trying to get to know the other better, with none of them ever looking bored or uninterested. They didn’t even have or need a reason to spend their days together, because the blond was sure that Aoi was merely standing up to what he believed in (There doesn’t have to be a reason for everything, he remembered the older say) and as for Uruha, he was just going along the tide. And with the way that he went along the flow, Uruha had already forgotten about trying to figure out the enigma that is Aoi. The blond found the artist as nothing but a simple man, with simple dreams and a simple mind, but other times found that he was too complex to figure out. Either way the blond didn’t care anymore – as long as he spent his days and afternoons with Aoi, everything seemed colorful and vibrant.

As colorful and vibrant as the lone maple leaf that fell on the other’s shoulder.

“How nostalgic,” Uruha mused, smiling as he softly picked up the leaf from Aoi’s shoulder, and then twirling it as a child would.

Aoi looked up to face the blond. “Really? How so?” It was never in Uruha’s character to spurt out random comments about himself. At that Aoi set the small canvas on his lap, lips pursed in curiosity.

The smile slowly faded even as Uruha continued to play with the leaf, before eventually handing it to Aoi. “Reminds me of the time when I still had a name.” The smile returned as the older man gently took the leaf from his hand.

“Oh, so you’re a red leaf, then? Not beautiful at all?”

“But of course you’re not simply a hollyhock,” Uruha retorted; the smile turning into somewhat of a playful grin.

Aoi shot back a playful grin himself. “Of course not. I am gentleness.”

“And I am a vast sunlight,” the blond replied, resting his back against the maple’s trunk.

“Kouyou has a nice ring to it.”

“So does Yuu.”

The silence that built up between the two of them was comforting and not awkward at all. Uruha found his hazel eyes once more staring at the small canvas that Aoi continued to polish; painted on it was the portrait of a peaceful, autumn day just like this, dark (not gloomy) figures artistically placed at certain points to denote the people coming and going. Among the many red trees sketched in the small canvas, the one that struck Uruha the most was the one which had two silhouettes under it – one of the figures leaning on the other. At the moment he saw it, the blond simply decided to have life imitate art.

Despite the embarrassing pink color that manifested on his cheeks, Aoi couldn’t help but smile as he watched the other lean against him.

Uruha had to smile. Even in their silence, there was always much the two of them learned about each other.


Aoi simply scrunched his nose and turned away, sipping on his cup of coffee as silently as he could. “Nothing,” he answered, fixing his eyes on the busy street just outside the glass walls of the café. The dark haired male had always been good at reading other’s thoughts and hiding his own, but as he knew Uruha better as the days passed, he conceded defeat. The only consolation he had is that the blond never could pinpoint his exact thoughts. At least, not at the first try.

“You’re upset about something,” Uruha commented monotonously, putting a hand over his mouth as he yawned for the fifth time within the last three minutes.

The older male simply shot him an annoyed look. “You know you shouldn’t have agreed to this if you’re going to yawn at me like that.”

For a moment Uruha was surprised, but within seconds he was already giggling uncontrollably. Aoi never had a problem with his yawning, not that he remembered. It was simply an excuse for something way different such as: “You’re upset that I didn’t get any sleep?” his small laughter and words were cut by yet another yawn, and Uruha prodded jokingly on Aoi’s cheek. “You know there are times that I won’t get any sleep because of my field of work. Be glad that I even agreed to meet you here when I could just laze on my bed then go to work tonight.” He played on the brim of his cup for a moment, however as he looked up Aoi had already risen from his seat, leaving a couple of bills on the table and heading out the door.

Confusion couldn’t be more evident on the young blond’s face. What just happened? This certainly was a side of Aoi Uruha had never seen before. He had always believed that even in silence he would understand what the other thought, but this time he guessed wrong. Was there something he overlooked? If that was it, it wouldn’t be a surprise – Uruha was never the brightest bulb in the box, nor was he the most sensitive. All these times, he had merely been immersed by the incredibly peaceful and exultant feeling that he got whenever with the other man. Was it that he only saw and heard whatever he wanted to see and hear from Aoi? Should he have paid more effort into trying to make sense out of the emotions that the other displayed only through his eyes, like he told himself on the day Aoi sketched his portrait?

Those questions plagued Uruha as he ran after the older, breathless and desperate as he searched every inch of the plaza. Aoi wasn’t at the fountain where they first got formally acquainted, he wasn’t at the alleys where Uruha used to hang out during the night, he wasn’t in any place where the blond guessed he would be. Defeated and evidently exhausted, Uruha found himself being led by his feet to the pathway to the nearby temple. His hazel eyes were transfixed downward, though not the least bit interested or concerned with the red maple leaves that scattered on the ground. Screw whatever happens to him later – right now he just wanted to take a break, close his eyes, and rest. He wasn’t in the best shape to play hide and seek today in the first place.

Just as he was about to get settled on the cold, marbled bench just along the walkway, he caught a glimpse of dark hair that he was very much familiar with. In his lethargy Uruha tried his best to approach Aoi as quietly as possible so as not to be informed of his prying, so that he would lessen the chances of him running away again. But of course his best wasn’t good enough. It was never good enough.

“I waited for you,” Aoi acknowledged his presence silently.

With that sentence, Uruha lost his composure. “You ran away. Why did you run away? If it’s about me going around at night being a slut for strangers, then there’s nothing I can do about that. You know that, Aoi, you should know that first hand. Ever since I set foot to Tokyo you’re the only person that I’ve talked to like this, and I thought you’d understa—”

But Aoi simply looked at him, with the same unfathomable gaze that had always puzzled Uruha, but this time, with more intensity. As the seconds passed the blond found it harder to look Aoi in the eyes – the stare was accusing, unkind, full of emotion, and Uruha could describe it with so many other words, but none of them could ever fit perfectly. “Why do you look at me like that?”

Aoi was most certainly not fazed by any of the younger man’s words, and everything stayed silent. As the silence deepened, when he couldn’t hear the rustling noise of the leaves being blown by the wind or the quiet footsteps of the stray animals that came to their direction, and the only things that echoed in his ear was the sound of his and Aoi’s breathing, Uruha found himself lost and staring hard at the other’s black, black eyes. As the silence deepened even more, Uruha came closer to an answer as he noticed the reflection of his own eyes on the older’s ever raven ones.

Hurt was definitely present in his own eyes, and with that Uruha turned his face to the ground. Just when he thought somebody had already understood him, obviously it turned out not to be the case. The blond could only ask himself if the six days that he felt as if he wasn’t being judged for what he is had also been a lie. Should he have been less trusting, less attached, and less attracted? Many other thoughts of betrayal came into the blond’s mind as he found himself inching away from Aoi. As he was about to turn back and run away himself, Uruha found a strong grip on his arms, and with that he forced himself to look Aoi in the eyes once more, this time making sure to get his message of utter disappointment to the other.

The passive-aggressive look on the older’s face never changed – come to think of it, it never really did ever since they met – but it made Uruha soften his stance. Was that… really a look of hurt as well? Had he been hurting Aoi all along? Ever since the first day they met, that look was already ever present in the artist’s eyes, though Uruha could make no sense of it before. But why would he be hurt, when Uruha had done next to nothing to him?

Even as Aoi already pulled him back and pressed him against his chest, Uruha still ransacked his thoughts for the reason why this could be, and tried imagining himself being in Aoi’s shoes, but to no avail. Try as he might to get away from the embrace, he simply lacked the power, and perhaps even the will to do so.

“The first time I saw you,” Aoi started, finally stopping the blond from trying to get away, “I never really understood why there was this urge in me to draw your face. I never really gave any thought to it until I started drawing you on canvas, and even until then I still couldn’t understand. Even when you approached me on that fountain, I still didn’t understand.

“When I told you that everything doesn’t need to have a reason, I was lying. There’s always a reason behind everything, but I’m just too proud not to admit that I couldn’t justify my own actions. I could never justify any action that I do whenever you’re around. But as the days pass by I realize that I just didn’t want to see you do this to yourself.

“I thought, maybe with my presence I could change you somehow—”

“But I don’t know anything else to do… you know that I could never leave—”

“Exactly. I know that you think you can’t do anything else, but I’m simply in no place to tell you what to do. Because I know that you think that I understand. I do understand, but I just thought maybe… I could make a difference in your life…”

Indeed, Aoi was hurting because of Uruha. But he didn’t hate the blond for the pain that he was causing, he hated the feeling of futility against the harsh reality of life – that all he could do was to sit and watch as this beautiful (at first he couldn’t think of any word to describe Uruha, but now he had settled with this one) person slowly turned into a wreck each day, though Uruha might not notice or deliberately fail to admit that fact. As an artist Aoi learned how to internalize his subjects, whether it be simply a portrait of a summer day, or the portrait of a person, and from years of experience, he felt these things. From years of experience, Aoi could confidently say that Uruha was a gentle, innocent soul simply corrupted by many vulgar things in the world. He knew Uruha would only say that there’s nothing else for him to do and that’s because he’s been in this kind of business for way too long and he’d forgotten doing other things, as eating, sleeping, and fucking were the only things in his routine.

He knew all those things about Uruha, but decided to simply watch him from a distance, because Uruha didn’t want to be pulled out from this deep hole that he dug for himself. But as the older man’s grip became tighter, he knew he couldn’t distance himself anymore.

“I’ve come to realize that I love you, Uruha, and I don’t want you to wither away.”

Uruha couldn’t believe his ears. Ever since his eyes were opened to the truth, he decided not to believe in those three words. They had always been thrown carelessly into the wind, shouted at the height of passion, and taken for granted for many times now that its meaning was already lost to the blond. One could say that he loathed those words as most of the time they never really meant shit to anybody anymore. Still, deep down inside, though he refused to admit, he wanted to hear them used in that context that he wanted them to be used.

If only Uruha wasn’t in the verge of crying and Aoi wasn’t refusing to let go of him, he would’ve found that realization humorous. Perhaps he’s a romantic, after all.

He bit his lower lip and focused on the shooting pain there so as not to let the tears shamelessly fall down. As much as he wanted to say those very same words to the man in front of him, he couldn’t – he didn’t let himself. Although Aoi meant it, Uruha refused to use those words as they didn’t mean anything to him anymore. Even if he knew that the other wasn’t expecting any answer from him anymore – the strong hold that he had on the older’s arm, asking him not to let go, was answer enough – Uruha knew he needed to reply, and also refused to let this time pass. Of course, only in the only way he knew how.

“Sleep with me.”

Aoi knew that no verbal response was needed, but he returned the favor nonetheless.


With those final words, they locked their lips in a needy and frenzied kiss.

It was Uruha’s first.

Both found themselves naked under the covers of Uruha’s small bed, kissing, exploring, feeling each other. The sun was still up, emitting an inviting glow that seeped through the small crack in between the blond’s curtains. Orange shadows were cast on Aoi’s bare skin, same with Uruha’s, and both couldn’t help but marvel at each other’s beauty being engulfed by the setting sun’s rays. At this point there was no need for them to say how beautiful the other is; the way that Uruha looked up at Aoi through lidded eyes, as well as the way that Aoi’s eyes seemed to come even more alive at that sight, was more than enough.

Aoi brushed a few strands of hair away from Uruha’s face before kissing him chastely in the forehead, trailing down to the flushed cheeks, and finally to those cherry lips. They tasted of the bitter coffee that they had earlier on, cloaking the sweet taste that was distinctly Uruha’s, and Aoi knew he needed more. He slipped his tongue past Uruha’s teeth and the latter gladly welcomed it, sucking and twirling his own, similarly desperate to taste the older man. But the cursed need to breathe arose, and Uruha frowned as Aoi pulled back. However his brows knitted in pleasure as the older started showering the soft skin of his neck – the most sensitive part in his body – breathy and teasing pecks, making him mewl and wriggle for more.

However the older has always been fast-paced, whether it be about his art or something else, and brushed his wet lips on Uruha’s chest. Aoi could only smile against the blond’s sweat-coated skin, taking note of how fast the latter’s heart was beating. It made him proud that it was him causing it to beat like that, and as a reward, he gently grazed his teeth over the two perked nubs there. Uruha’s wanton moan sounded ever so sweet in his ear, that he applied even more pressure on them; mouth on the left nipple, his right hand on the other, and one hand snaking to the younger’s inner thigh.

Uruha’s already hardened flesh twitched in excitement as Aoi continued to tease his thighs with soft touches, finding Aoi’s fingers on his skin surprisingly silky. He moaned louder and pushed forward so as to relieve himself, begging for some friction. But Aoi simply smiled against his navel and flicked his tongue over it, deliberately avoiding coming in contact with the blond’s excited member.

Using one elbow to support his weight, Aoi lifted himself up a bit, and upon seeing Uruha’s expression – face slick with a thin layer of sweat and plush lips parted so promiscuously – he knew he needed to do it now. And as if he was reading Aoi’s mind, Uruha closed his eyes for a moment then reached under his already sweat-drenched pillow. He handed the lubrication to Aoi and opened his eyes once more, with them saying that that’s all the preparation he needs. I want to feel you inside of me, he wanted to add, but even without saying anything Aoi already understood and nodded at that.

Panting slightly, Aoi threw his head back as his throbbing length came in contact with his lube-slicked hand, giving it a few strokes in the process, and Uruha watched in anticipation as his hand also played with his own. Seeing that, Aoi nudged the younger’s hand away and positioned himself in between his legs. He paused, for a moment hesitating as the other received no preparation whatsoever. But Uruha simply nodded and pushed into Aoi, no doubt ready for the pain. And Aoi had to smile – Uruha was strong (and stubborn) enough to receive this; something that he had come to love about him.

Aoi pushed ever so gently inside of the other. Uruha groaned in pain, but pushed himself insistently against the other, unable to bear the excruciatingly slow pace in which Aoi moved. His spine tingled as Aoi’s length was buried deeper inside of him, with the other letting out soft moans as well as he sheathed himself to the hilt. The two ceased movement, with Aoi adjusting to the delicious tight heat that he was in, and Uruha simply keeping himself from reaching the edge.

Clutching tightly on his pillow, Uruha then whispered the older’s name in a low, quiet manner, signalling him to move. And that Aoi did, with his eyes shut tight and curses, of course not harshly meant, escaping in between his breaths. They started out soft and slow, and there was moderate silence in the room, but as Aoi’s thrusts became faster and harder, Uruha’s moans became louder and needier.

As the older man neared his climax, he granted Uruha’s neglected member soft touches, eventually turning into rhythmic strokes which followed his now controlled thrusts. Uruha tried to smile gratefully even as he bit on his lower lip hard, trying to muffle any more shameless groans. But Aoi did him that favor and leaned down, still continuing to push in and out, lapping on his already abused lips. And as the older pulled back from the sloppy kiss, he shuddered, spilling inside Uruha, and within seconds, Uruha also came on Aoi’s hand.

And at that very moment, the two thought that nothing could ever be as magical as that.

Aoi withdrew himself from Uruha and rested face down beside the blond, breathing still heavy and chest pounding unevenly. Uruha was the same, eyes still half-closed in the afterglow. With a smile, the older man grabbed the end of the blanket and put it over their heads, reliving his childhood days when he used to play under the sheets. Back then he was happy to be by himself, but today he realized that it was also fun sharing with someone else – someone who fit him perfectly, just as the blond did.

Of course Uruha had to smile. And for many reasons too, not only because of the wonderful twelve minutes that passed, but also because of the warm blanket that covered him, the sweet silence that filled his ears, the sun setting beautifully (even though he couldn’t see it), and of course because of the person that laid next to him.

So this is continuous happiness.

A/N: Again, to those who are confused with the red maple leaf talk, here's a guide:
  • Kouyou (紅葉) - red leaves (the ones that fall during autumn)

    As we all know (okay, maybe not), Kouyou is supposedly Uruha's real name, however, his is written as 宏陽, which means vast sunlight (if I'm not mistaken, do feel free to correct me).

  • Uruha (麗) - beautiful; LOL our beloved Urupon xDD

  • Aoi (葵) - hollyhock (flower); our beloved Aoicchi, of course. Contrary to popular belief, the kanji for Aoi's name does not mean blue. ^^

  • Yuu (優) - gentleness

    Again, Aoi's supposed name is Yuu, which, as I mentioned earlier, means gentleness.

It's really fun playing with their names. ^^

Mmm... what else? Well, yeah, this is an excuse for me to use those awesome paragraph dialogues, you know~ because it's so cool and shiny and awesome and all. xDD Okay enough of me being retarded.

Yes I know I have no originality *cough Benjamin Button cough* but I promised one of my friends that I'll use that line in a fic that I'll write. And it happened to be here. Ahhhh~ it's so nice to finish this fic once and for all, I dislike the thought of having to prolonge a oneshot. Dear me I hope you liked it because... LOL I just hope you like it. xDD
Feb 05 09 (UTC)
Ok, read it, liked it :) Hmm, I guess should also say something more coherent. Let's see. I like the way you described characters of Uruha and Aoi. Uruha being aware that he isn't the brightest one but accepting it, just like most of the other things in his life. Aoi, oh man, it's just how I imagine he really is. Observant but closed. I didn't know the meaning behind their "real" names but now that I've learned that too I find them perfect for both of them. I mean vast sunlight and gentleness, how can beautiful and hollyhock beat that? I liked the first kiss and also the daytime sex, I kind of figured that might be something Uruha didn't experience for quite some time too. Great ending.
Feb 05 09 (UTC)
LOL coherency is not required around this place, so don't worry dear~ xDD

Haha, I like Uruha not being the brightest bulb in the box, though I suppose this Uruha is a bit... mmm, mature considering his work. And Aoi, well, yeah he's that exactly, the secretive bastard xDD

YES FIRST KISS. Haha, since it's in this Uruha's rules not to kiss his customers. *nods* And the daytime sex, well it was just impossible to jump to the night when they met in the afternoon LOL xDD Plus daytime sex is pretty uncommon around here, except if you consider PWP. =\

Thank you for reading, dear! I appreciate your comments~ ♥
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