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花 言 葉 × h a n a k o t o b a
seems that soon i'll wither away without knowing the answer
Happiness by the Kilowatt - Aoi/Uruha (1/2) 
Feb 04 09
Title: Happiness by the Kilowatt
Chapter(s): 1/2 [sequel to From Twelve to Forever]
Author: xxshamisen
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13 (this part)
Warnings: Pretty much none except for the use of supposed real names
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except for my stories.
Summary: Uruha couldn’t remember the last time he felt the days pass by so very quickly.

Comment: Your daily dose of fluff and cheese, delivered.

“So this is continuous happiness,” the blond breathed.


This time, he smiled. “Nothing.”

Uruha couldn’t remember the last time he felt the days pass by so very quickly. Before, each day had been agonizingly slow for him; finding the days bleak and the nights – though the nights he enjoyed, at least – simply repetitive. There was nothing for him to look forward to but the twelve minutes that he could ride out his carnal pleasures, and even that seemed quite boring to him as the years went by. It wasn’t as fun as it was when he was still starting out in the trade, when it still felt like a real adventure, trying on new positions, new techniques, and of course new faces. But now, for him, everything seemed like the same old moves and same old arrangements, and everyone the same old men (and women, occasionally). There still was the twelve minutes of satisfaction, but after that, the empty, tedious feeling would come back again.

But today, here he was, silently contemplating about how fast the moments went by; sitting under the shade of a lovely maple tree on an equally lovely autumn afternoon with a man he knew a few days back.


There was still an enigmatic ring to the name as Uruha repeated it in his thoughts. Nobody, however, could argue that the blond might only be feeling this way as the two of them have only known each other for a short span of time. Regardless of the mere five days since they met, both already knew what the other thought. Without even talking or glancing at each other, Uruha knew already which people Aoi would ask to be his model just as Aoi knew how many customers Uruha had the other night. Each second of those five days was spent in trying to get to know the other better, with none of them ever looking bored or uninterested. And they didn’t even have a reason why they spent their days together, because the blond was sure that Aoi was merely standing up to what he believed in (There doesn’t have to be a reason for everything, he remembered the older say) and as for Uruha, he was just going along the tide. And with the way that he went along the flow, Uruha had already forgotten about trying to figure out the enigma that is Aoi. The blond found the artist as nothing but a simple man, with simple dreams and a simple mind, but other times found that he was too complex to figure out. Either way the blond didn’t care anymore – as long as he spent his days and afternoons with Aoi, everything seemed… colorful and vibrant.

As colorful and vibrant as the lone maple leaf that fell on the other’s shoulder.

“How nostalgic,” Uruha mused, smiling as he softly picked up the leaf from Aoi’s shoulder, and then twirling it as a child would.

Aoi looked up to face the blond. “Really? How so?” It was never in Uruha’s character to spurt out random comments about himself. At that Aoi set the small canvas on his lap, lips pursed in curiosity.

The smile slowly faded even as Uruha continued to play with the leaf, before eventually handing it to Aoi. “Reminds me of the time when I still had a name.” The smile returned as the older man gently took the leaf from his hand.

“Oh, so you’re a red leaf, then? Not beautiful at all?”

“But of course you’re not simply a hollyhock,” Uruha retorted; the smile turning into somewhat of a playful grin.

Aoi shot back a playful grin himself. “Of course not. I am gentleness.”

“And I am a vast sunlight,” the blond replied, resting his back against the maple’s trunk.

“Kouyou has a nice ring to it.”

“So does Yuu.”

The silence that built up between the two of them was comforting and not awkward at all. Uruha found his hazel eyes once more staring at the small canvas that Aoi continued to polish; painted on it was the portrait of a peaceful, autumn day just like this, dark (not gloomy) figures artistically placed at certain points to denote the people coming and going. And among the many red trees sketched in the small canvas, the one that struck Uruha the most was the one which had two silhouettes under it – one of the figures leaning on the other. At the moment he saw it, the blond decided to simply have life imitate art.

Despite the embarrassing pink color that manifested on his cheeks, Aoi couldn’t help but smile as he watched the other leaned against him.

Uruha had to smile. Even in their silence, there was always much the two of them learned about each other.


Aoi simply scrunched his nose and turned away, sipping his cup of coffee as silently as he could. “Nothing,” he answered, fixing his eyes on the busy street just outside the glass walls of the café. The dark haired male had always been good at reading other’s thoughts and hiding his own, but as he knew Uruha better as the days passed, he conceded defeat. The only consolation that he had is that the blond never could pinpoint his exact thoughts. At least, not at the first try.

“You’re upset about something,” Uruha commented monotonously, putting a hand over his mouth as he yawned for the fifth time within the last three minutes.

The older male simply shot him an annoyed look. “You know you shouldn’t have agreed to meet me if you’re going to yawn at me like that.”

For a moment Uruha was surprised, but within seconds he was already giggling uncontrollably. Aoi never had a problem with his yawning, not that he remembered. It was simply an excuse for something way different such as: “You’re upset that I didn’t get any sleep?” his small laughter and words were cut by yet another yawn, and Uruha prodded jokingly on Aoi’s cheek. “You know there are times that I won’t get any sleep because of my field of work. Be glad that I even agreed to meet you here when I could just laze on my bed then go to work tonight.” He played on the brim of his cup for a moment, but as he looked up Aoi had already risen from his seat, leaving a couple of bills on the table and heading out the door.

Confusion couldn’t be more evident on the young blond’s face. What just happened? This certainly was a side of Aoi Uruha had never seen before. He had always believed that even in silence he would understand what the other thought, but this time he guessed wrong. Was there something he overlooked? If that was it, it wouldn’t be a surprise – Uruha was never the brightest bulb in the box, nor was he the most sensitive. All these times, he had merely been immersed by the incredibly peaceful and exultant feeling that he always got whenever with the other man. Was it that he only saw and heard whatever he wanted to see and hear from Aoi? Should he have paid more effort into trying to make sense out of the emotions that the other displayed only through his eyes, like he told himself on the day Aoi sketched his portrait?

Those questions plagued Uruha as he ran after the older, breathless and desperate as he searched every inch of the plaza. Aoi wasn’t at the fountain where they first got formally acquainted, he wasn’t at the alleys where Uruha used to hang out during the night, he wasn’t in any place where the blond guessed he would be. Defeated and evidently exhausted, Uruha found himself being led by his feet to the pathway to the temple. His hazel eyes were transfixed downward, though not the least bit interested or concerned with the red maple leaves that scattered on the ground. Screw whatever happens to him later – right now he just wanted to take a break, close his eyes, and rest. He wasn’t in the best shape to play hide and seek today in the first place.

Just as he was about to get settled on the cold, marbled bench just along the walkway, he caught a glimpse of dark hair that he was very much familiar with. In his lethargy Uruha tried his best to approach Aoi as quietly as possible so as not to be informed of his prying, so that he would lessen the chances of him running away again. But of course his best wasn’t good enough. It was never good enough.

“I waited for you,” Aoi acknowledged his presence silently.

With that sentence, Uruha lost his composure. “You ran away. Why did you run away? If it’s about me going around at night being a slut for strangers, then there’s nothing I can do about that. You know that, Aoi, you should know that first hand. Ever since I set foot to Tokyo you’re the only person that I talked to like this, and I thought you’d understa—”

But Aoi simply looked at him, with the same unfathomable gaze that had always puzzled Uruha, but this time, with more intensity. As the seconds passed the blond found it harder to look Aoi in the eyes – the stare was accusing, unkind, full of emotion, and Uruha could describe it with so many other words, but none of them could ever fit that gaze perfectly. “Why do you look at me like that?”

Aoi was most certainly not fazed by any of the younger man’s words, and silence was what happened next. As the silence deepened, when he couldn’t hear the rustling noise of the leaves being blown by the wind or the quiet footsteps of the strays that came to their direction, and the only things that echoed in his ear was the sound of his and Aoi’s breathing, Uruha found himself lost and staring hard at the other’s black, black eyes. As the silence deepened even more, Uruha came closer to an answer as he noticed the reflection of his own eyes on the older’s ever raven ones.

Hurt was definitely present in Uruha’s eyes, and with that he turned his eyes to the ground. Just when he thought somebody had already understood him, obviously it turned out not to be the case. The blond could only ask himself if the six days that he felt as if he wasn’t being judged for what he is had also been a lie. Should he have been less trusting, less attached, and less attracted? Many other thoughts of betrayal came into the blond’s mind as he found himself inching away from Aoi. As he was about to run away himself, Uruha found a strong grip on his arms, and with that he forced himself to look Aoi in the eyes once more, this time making sure to get his message of utter disappointment to the other.

The passive-aggressive look on the older’s face never changed – come to think of it, it never really did ever since they met – but it made Uruha soften his stance. Was that… really a look of hurt as well? Had he been hurting Aoi all along? Ever since the first day they met, that look was already ever present in the artist’s eyes, though Uruha could make no sense of it before. But why would he be hurt, when Uruha had done next to nothing to him?

Even as Aoi was already pulling him back and pressing him against his chest, Uruha still ransacked his thoughts for the reason why this could be, and tried imagining himself being in Aoi’s shoes, but to no avail. Try as he might to get away from the embrace, he simply lacked the power, and perhaps even the will to do so.

“The first time I saw you,” Aoi started, finally stopping the blond from trying to get away, “I never really understood why there was this urge in me to draw your face. I never really gave any thought to it until I started drawing you on canvas, and even until then I still couldn’t understand. Even when you approached me on that fountain, I still didn’t understand.

“When I told you that everything doesn’t need to have a reason, I was lying. There’s always a reason behind everything, but I’m just too proud not to admit that I couldn’t justify my own actions. I could never justify any action that I do whenever you’re around. But as the days pass by I realize that I just didn’t want to see you do this to yourself.

“I thought, maybe with my presence I could change you somehow—”

“But I don’t know anything else to do… you know that I could never leave—”

“Exactly. I know that you think you can’t do anything else, but I’m simply in no place to tell you what to do. Because I know that you think that I understand. I do understand, but I just thought maybe… I could make a difference in your life…”

Indeed, Aoi was hurting because of Uruha. But he didn’t hate the blond for the pain that he was causing, he hated the feeling of futility against the harsh reality of life – that all he could do was to sit and watch as this beautiful (at first he couldn’t think of any word to describe Uruha, but now he had settled with this one) person slowly turned into a wreck each day, though Uruha might not notice or deliberately fail to admit that fact. As an artist Aoi learned how to internalize his subjects, whether it be simply a portrait of a summer day, or the portrait of a person, and from years of experience, he felt these things. From years of experience, Aoi could confidently say that Uruha simply was a gentle soul, corrupted by many things in the world. He knew Uruha would only say that there’s nothing else for him to do and that’s because he’s been in this trade for way too long and he’d forgotten doing other things, as eating, sleeping, and fucking were the only things in his routine.

He knew all those things about Uruha, but decided to simply watch him from a distance, because Uruha didn’t want to be pulled out from this deep hole that he dug for himself. But as the older man’s grip became tighter, he knew he couldn’t distance himself anymore.

“I’ve come to realize that I love you, Uruha, and I don’t want you to wither away.”

A/N: Evil place to stop, ne? But seriously I've been itching to post this since yesterday and if I didn't post it before I go to class, I'll go crazy. Rest assured though that I'll be posting the other chapter later this day because I'm seriously not letting my Aoi/Uru muse sleep. I hope you enjoyed it. ^^

And oh yeah to those who are confused with the red maple leaf talk, here's a guide:
  • Kouyou (紅葉) - red leaves (the ones that fall during autumn)

    As we all know (okay, maybe not), Kouyou is supposedly Uruha's real name, however, his is written as 宏陽, which means vast sunlight (if I'm not mistaken, do feel free to correct me).

  • Uruha (麗) - beautiful; LOL our beloved Urupon xDD

  • Aoi (葵) - hollyhock (flower); our beloved Aoicchi, of course. Contrary to popular belief, the kanji for Aoi's name does not mean blue. ^^

  • Yuu (優) - gentleness

    Again, Aoi's supposed name is Yuu, which, as I mentioned earlier, means gentleness.

It's really fun playing with their names. ^^
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
Oh, it's beautiful ;_; I love the whole scenery, the whole feel of the story :3
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
Thank you! ^^

Well, the rest of the fic is up, I hope you like it too~ ♥
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
i will read this properly when i get hooooooome. <3
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
Fweeeeeeee~ LOL just read the merged one ^^

Thanks~ xDD
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
Oh. My. God.
Can't say anything proper at the moment but I loved it.
Every single bit of it. ♥
Can't wait for last chapter ;___; *showers in cookies*
Feb 04 09 (UTC)

♥ Thank you! The second part is up, yay~
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
very nice~
Feb 04 09 (UTC)
Sankyuuuuu~ ^^
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
I liked how comfortable they are around each other in the beginning =) and the scene at the temple would really be a beautiful sight with all the red leaves <3 the expression "a slut for strangers" was great :D poor Uru *pets him*
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
YES. ♥ If the boys would have a photoshoot, I want them to be somewhere like that place~ LOL at the expression xDD Uruha has a potty mouth xDD

Thanks for reading~ ^^
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
that would be lovely indeed :O *_* now that they wore traditional clothing, they could have a photoshoot at a traditional place <3
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
Dark blue and white against red~ ZOMGZ fanfic inspiration xDD *swoons*
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
a hakama and temple fic? *g* I'm curious what you'll make of that ;) :D
Feb 07 09 (UTC)
Eh? What I meant was that if ever they had a photoshoot like that, then lots of fanfics will arise LOL xDD

Although~ myaaaaa you've given me something to write~ now my brain is making up stories. >_<;;

Feb 07 09 (UTC)
oh, I got you very wrong, then *blushes*

awwww *_* fiction for me *dances around* :D
Jun 03 09 (UTC)
Ehh....so it was here~ lol XD I've been wondering around..looking for this sequel~~~

Anyways...nice chap!!! -runs towards you then jumps over-

Oh oh oh oh.....XD -screams then headbangs wall-

Gotta read the next chap~~~

-delivers 122 boxes of choco-chip cookies-

Hope you like them~~~
Jun 03 09 (UTC)
Awww, ahah, everything's in my archive, dear.

Jun 04 09 (UTC)
Yeah...but my hands are being kinda blind...I mean my eyes...lol...they strayed off~~~ >:||D

Honestly...its been very fun...reading it!

Ah! And about the cookies...oh...I just love cookies and I thought you'd also like them. Actually, the delivery should be cookies and cakes....but the cakes are not yet baked...>o< Gomen....
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