✖ γυκι ↔ watching the sun turn into rain ✖ (xxshamisen) wrote,
✖ γυκι ↔ watching the sun turn into rain ✖
xxshamisen

Part One






It pleased Ruki a lot that Aoi wasn't trying to change their positions again and accepted him being on top now. And he wouldn't give the other chance to regret it, either. Ruki appreciated that they were able to be flexible to give up control and take it back.

Ruki panted against Aoi's lips and pressed kisses to them just when dark haired had finished his sentence, chasing after his tongue which had just licked over his own lips so teasingly. Ruki captured Aoi's lip piercing within his mouth and sucked gently, not enough to hurt the sensitive skin there.

"You will be," Ruki replied with a smirk, lavishing Aoi's lips again, "But I want to ride you." He said boldly and underlined the statement with a downwards movement of his hips, rubbing their erections together. Leaning forward to press their bodies together Ruki offered Aoi 3 of his fingers to make them slick. He guessed he would know what for.

***

"Ah, Ru..." he couldn't help but moan as the younger latched his lips on his piercing; the action sending pleasurable jolts down his spine. It was fascinating how Ruki knew where his weak spots were without even telling them where they are. Had Aoi been thinking more clearly, the notion would've scared him too.

Closing his eyes, Aoi let out a loud moan as Ruki rubbed himself against his hips, greatly pleasured not only by the movement itself but also with the way that Ruki talked and what he said. As he opened his eyes, Aoi saw three of the younger's slim digits already in front of him.

Aoi pushed himself up a little bit -- just enough for him to reach those fingers -- back resting against the headboard and elbows propped against the mattress for leverage. He looked up to Ruki first and licked his lips before leaning forward to lave his tongue on those fingers. The salty taste of Ruki's skin excited him even more, and he licked them faster and with more fervor, imagining it was some other part of the younger's body.

***

The way Aoi moaned in reply was enough confirmation to the blonde that he loved the prospect of Ruki riding him. God, Ruki felt a chill already when thinking of it. He loved to dictate the pace but at the same time be claimed as well.

"Hnnn... Aoi, you dirty bastard," Ruki exclaimed as Aoi licked his fingers like he had done Ruki's erection just minutes before. He felt himself get immensely hard at the sight of Aoi tending to just his fingers so diligently. Maybe he should have paid more attention to Aoi's face while he had sucked him.

Ah, Ruki didn't want to pull away. If he didn't know that there were much better things in store for him. Descending on Aoi's body his tongue trailed a wet path along the dark haired's chest until they circled his nipples. At the same time Ruki let one of his fingers prod his entrance and push inside which caused him to release a breathy moan. Moving the finger he stared up at Aoi, showing his pleasured face. It was like a show he was doing for Aoi.

***

Aoi smirked at the vulgar words Ruki used, not at all offended by it. If anything, he was even turned on -- it would be near impossible for Aoi not to get excited when Ruki talked to him like that. As much as he'd like to reply to Ruki's dirty talking though, Aoi can't, and so he just stared up at the younger promiscuously while showering his fingers with lewd sucks and licks.

As Ruki pulled his fingers, Aoi tried to say something, but all his thoughts dissipated when he felt the younger's slick tongue on his skin. Eyes rolling back, he moaned at the feeling of the hot saliva trail down his chest and on his nipples, more so upon hearing Ruki gasp. Aoi opened his eyes halfway just enough to see how Ruki looked, and god he looked so hot.

***

Ruki knew it would be hard for Aoi to reply to all his dirty talking but he didn't expect him to do so. Ruki was vulgar and promiscuous enough for the both of them. So Aoi could remain the prideful beauty he was to the blonde.

Encouraged by Aoi's moans Ruki let his tongue trail further downwards until he reached his smooth belly. He massaged the skin with his lips and teeth before tending to Aoi's hardened member. It was leaking pre-cum and stood up obscenely, making it look even more delicious. Ruki leaned down and his tongue glided in slow strokes along the full length until he took it all inside his mouth as far as he could.

Just then the blonde remembered to continue preparing himself. As much as he liked pleasuring Aoi he knew of a better way to do so. Ruki inserted a second finger and starting scissoring them until he hit a certain spot and groaned around Aoi's erection. Mercilessly fucking himself Ruki forgot momentarily about anything around him and he just rocked against his own fingers, biting his lip hard.

***

With an open-mouthed moan, Aoi felt tingles down his spine and to his cock as Ruki's mouth lavished his stomach. Absently one hand went to tangle with Ruki's hair, and the other went to his own hair. As he felt Ruki's lips on his throbbing length Aoi curled his hands and pulled, with more force exerted on the hand that was on his head.

Eyes slipping closed again, Aoi moaned the vocalist's name wantonly as Ruki started working his tongue on his cock, loving the wet heat engulfed his member. He pulled on his hair more as he thrust up shallowly, helping the younger in getting him all sheathed into his mouth.

The vibration from Ruki's mouth caused Aoi's very sensitive erection to twitch and at that he groaned as well, voice intermingling with Ruki's. He opened his eyes, and although from his position he couldn't clearly see how Ruki was finger-fucking himself, Aoi knew what was going on and felt a little bit neglected. With that he pulled on the younger's hair, wanting him to come up for another kiss.

***

Feeling Aoi's hand tangling in his hair Ruki smiled around his cock, bobbing his head up and down slowly. It was thrilling to see the dark haired trash and cry out in pleasure because of the things Ruki did to him when normally he was so composed and reserved. Ruki loved to be able to lure out this side of Aoi.

Ruki accepted Aoi's length inside his mouth even as he thrust into it. Seemingly without pain or discomfort he continued, intend to please Aoi as much as he could.

"Sorry..." the blonde murmured against Aoi's lips when he got pulled upwards by his hair. Gently he moved his lips against Aoi's, his tongue begging for entrance.

Only reluctantly Ruki pulled away to reach into the second drawer of the bedside table. Unclear why but for some reason the blonde knew that was where Aoi stored the condoms. Fishing for one he quickly ripped it open and leaned over to suck Aoi's cock a last time before he rolled the plastic protection over his length.

***

Aoi welcomed Ruki's tongue back into his mouth, smiling as he let the younger prod past his lips. He held on the back of Ruki's head and pushed him even closer, wanting to taste more of that talented mouth.

He watched the younger man in bewilderment, wondering why he knew exactly where he kept the condoms. Could it have been that he mentioned it to Ruki before? Though that was unlikely because it was a topic he wouldn't openly discuss with Ruki, not outside of the home or when sober, anyway. Or maybe it was just that Ruki knew him inside out already to figure out where he put his things away.

Either way his musings were quickly forgotten once Ruki began to suck on his cock again. Aoi hissed a bit as he felt the rubber on his hard organ. Aoi then reached for Ruki's sides, intending to help the younger do his work even if he seems willing to do it all by himself.

***

It had seemed clear to Ruki where to find the condoms. First drawer would be for things Aoi used on daily base, like a book or tissues, and if anyone ever searched his room they'd open the top drawer first, right? But the second one was perfect -- still easy to reach from the bed but kind of hidden by the first. Opposite to Ruki, Aoi was mostly a logic thinker and this kind of system seemed much like guitarist. Ruki was happy he had guessed right and found what he wanted.

Even though, he was glad Aoi helped him to do this because somehow Ruki's knees felt a bit weak and he didn't want to hurt anyone of them by being careless. Looking a bit unsure Ruki braced himself with his hands on Aoi's chest and lowered his body down on the older's hard erection.

Ruki's face contorted in slight discomfort once it pressed against his entrance but he continued until Aoi was fully sheathed within him. Panting Ruki tried to relax, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He reached for Aoi's hands and entwined them gently with his own.

***

With a silent moan out of his lips, Aoi waited until Ruki has fully taken his throbbing member in, eyes shut close. He steadied his breathing all the while, and when the younger has finally stopped moving, Aoi opened his eyes. The way that Ruki has his eyes closed and his lips quivering as he panted was enchanting, and Aoi reached his hand to caress his cheek with a smile.

He gladly took Ruki's seeking hands and locked his fingers with him, holding them tightly so as to support the younger.

"You okay, Ru?" Aoi asked, his tone low and husky but the hint of caring was strong. He wanted to reach out to Ruki's face and hold it gently again, then plant soft kisses on his soft skin, but this was okay too. "Just tell me if you can move already."

***

Ruki loosened their entwined fingers again but just to lean forward and rest his head against Aoi's forehead. He tried to move the rest of his body as little as possible, needing it to relax.

"I'm okay," He breathed against Aoi's lips, nipping on them softly. Pulling away Ruki smiled an honest smile, showing Aoi he was ready and didn't feel pain. It had just been a while since someone had topped him.

Bracing his hands next to the older's head against the bed Ruki rocked his hips a bit and then lifted his body up just to lower it again. It caused him to pant harshly and moan a bit. Ruki continued to move, feeling the rush of excitement building up in his stomach again and the pleasure coming back to him.

"Aoi..." Ruki whispered his name, his lips quivering against the dark haired's own.

***

Sure there was lust in both of their eyes, but the way that Ruki looked and smiled at him showed nothing but overflowing love. Aoi felt a little bit guilty about that, because here Ruki was, giving everything up for his sake, while he worried for himself. He bit down on his lips at that realization and willed the thought off his mind. This wasn't the time to feel bad anyway.

Aoi reached his hands out to hold Ruki's face again, but the hold loosened when Ruki started to move. With the delicious, tight heat surrounding him, it was quite hard to keep himself from focusing on anything else. He moaned quietly and let his hands fall to the younger's sides, rubbing there soothingly.

He closed his eyes upon hearing his name called out in such a wanton voice. In response Aoi pressed his lips closer on Ruki's, then softly pushed his tongue past the younger's mouth. At the same time one hand dropped lower until it was hovering on Ruki's length, then started to squeeze on the hard organ softly.

***

Aoi was being so thoughtful about him, Ruki realised when the older male cupped his face carefully. The care which sounded through the question earlier still echoed inside his head, making him feel kind of loved. Ruki knew this wasn't so easy to say and he knew as well it would be a lie to claim Aoi loved him.

Starting a slow rhythm between their bodies Ruki welcomed Aoi's tongue within his mouth willingly. He caressed it gently before biting down a bit.

Ruki hadn't realized Aoi's hands were moving until one of them settled around his length, squeezing it. Right then the blonde's small body jolted upwards and his head fell back into his neck. Ruki was gasping heavily as pure liquid pleasure rushed through his veins, making him feel like he was on fire.

"Mhmm... Ahh..." Ruki bit his lip, moving faster and grinding his hips down on Aoi's own until Aoi's erection brushed a spot inside the blonde, causing him to twitch and moan.

***

Aoi smirked as Ruki's head fell back, and he continued his ministrations on the younger's erection. He stroked it in excruciatingly slow pace in contrast with the rhythm that Ruki was making for himself on Aoi's cock. Every once in a while his thumb dipped into the leaking slit then he goes back to caressing the hardened length.

As much as Aoi wanted to participate, he let Ruki dictate the pace, and the only thing that he did was thrust his hips up shallowly. It was evident that the younger had already found his prostate with the way that he was moaning, shaking, and biting on his lip, and moving any further just might ruin that.

"Ruki..." he breathed out again as he turned his head away slightly, eyes shut tight and his whole body just submitting to the pleasure of Ruki's heat. While his one hand worked on the younger's length, the other blindly felt up Ruki's torso, and rolled his fingers over the nipples.

***

Ruki could feel Aoi's eyes on him, watching how he threw his head back and pant out heavily. He knew Aoi was doing him so slowly just to tease and make Ruki beg for more. But the blonde wasn't so easy to break. Though as much as Ruki hated it... his patience was wearing thin.

"Yes?" Ruki hissed, taking the hand of Aoi that was playing with his nipples. He raised it to his lips and sucked the index finger into the confines of his mouth just like he had done it to Aoi's length before. "Are you coming for me?" He asked, leaning forward and speeding up his rhythm even more.

He was so close to coming, too. It wouldn't take long that both Aoi's pleasuring of his cock and the friction he caused within the younger's body were too much and would take him over the edge. Even if he liked to have Aoi inside him for longer he was about to cum soon.

***

Aoi moaned with each of Ruki's hip movements, more so when Ruki took in his finger into his mouth. He let the younger play with it, and he in turn twirled his finger around Ruki's tongue.

"If you come for me first," Aoi smirked and pulled his finger away so that he could grab the back of Ruki's head to pull him closer, then nipped on his lower lip. At least he didn't want to lose at this against the younger.

In response to the cocky way Ruki addressed him, Aoi teased his length even more, dragging his fingers along the girth with a feather-light touch, before gripping on it hard. It was somewhat hard to concentrate on his teasing when Ruki was clenching deliciously around him, and he knew he was very close to releasing too. But even with his body quivering with the sensation overload, Aoi still managed to rub his thumb repeatedly on the slit of Ruki's cock, with a satisfied smirk on his lips.

***

Ruki moaned around Aoi's finger before the dark haired pulled him down into a heated kiss where he bit Aoi's lips just a bit, playing again with his lip piercing.

Though Ruki stayed silent he knew he would lose this challenge. The pleasure inside him had built up to an unbearable level and if Aoi gave him one more of those painfully slow stroked he was going to come so hard.

It was too much for the blonde to pretend like the contrast between his own erratic and desperate movements and the slowness of Aoi's hands around his erection weren't driving him crazy. But he didn't care if he was first or not. This felt way too good to worry about stupid things like that.

And just like Ruki thought, with another stroke of Aoi's thumb over the slit of his cock and another thrust onto his erection the blonde came, spilling his excitement over Aoi's hands. He moaned relentlessly, his nails digging into the sheets, and faltered for a moment before he remembered Aoi was waiting.

***

With a satisfied smile, Aoi shivered slightly at the sensation of warm stickiness finally hitting his hand, relishing in the feeling that it was he who made Ruki cum that hard. He then planted his other hand on Ruki's hip, and with the strength fueled by his own excitement he thrust up and guided the younger's hips down, doing the work on his own when Ruki momentarily stopped.

Aoi closed his eyes as he continued to stroke Ruki's length faster, while he worked for his own orgasm. When he felt that Ruki was already fully spent, he planted his other hand on Ruki's hip too, fingers even sliding at first due to the release that was still on his hand.

"Fuck..." was all he could say despite all of this, as he continued to harshly thrust up Ruki's still sensitive body without any warning.

***

His head hanging low Ruki tried to continue moving with Aoi but he could only do it half-heartedly. Ruki's legs felt too weak and the force of his orgasm hat hit him so hard he just wanted to lie down and enjoy the feeling of it.

Gladly Aoi was helping himself and moved the blonde by his hips. Ruki shivered and panted even harder when he felt Aoi's slippery hand against his skin. He knew it was from his own cum and the thought of it thrilled him even more.

Ruki leaned back, sitting up straight, and clenched his entrance around Aoi's erection; intend to send the dark haired into bliss as well. His face was already beautifully contorted in pleasure and Ruki knew it would only take some more thrust for Aoi to cum. Despite all of his weariness Ruki willed his eyes to stay open and watch Aoi coming off.

***

Not a moment too soon Aoi came as hard into Ruki, with his eyes still closed and his lower lip bitten down on. His hands fell on his sides while he waited for his body to calm down from the force of his climax.

After a few seconds of heavy breathing, Aoi shifted in the bed a bit, though not pulling out of the younger just yet. Instead, he slipped his hands to Ruki's back, pulling him to rest against his chest already. He knew the younger would be exhausted as hell, with him doing all the work. His chest continued to heave up and down while he massaged the younger's back gently.

"That was... great," Aoi commented softly; a small smile gracing his full, pierced lips. He inhaled deeply and took in the deliciously musky scent of their lovemaking, as well as the sweet body fumes that Ruki gave out before giving the younger another kiss on the head. "Thank you."

***

With shaking movements Ruki happily complied with Aoi's request to lie down on him. Feeling their sweaty bodies pressed together for another time the blonde released a long sigh, his muscles glowing in bliss and he rested his head against Aoi's shoulder. The gentle circles Aoi's hands drew on his back would have almost lured him into a gentle sleep, hadn't Aoi said something.

Ruki hummed quietly in response, snuggling against Aoi and kissing his neck innocently. One of his hands moved up to settled against the older male's head, threading through his hair carefully. Aoi had looked wonderful when climaxing, and all because of Ruki...

"Was I better than Uruha?" Ruki mumbled against Aoi's chest, grinning sheepishly and glancing up at him.

***

He watched as Ruki's hands moved to glide through his hair, and he purred at each stroke. Aoi loved it when his hair or head was being caressed -- that always seemed to calm his nerves. He placed soft kisses on the younger's head again, until he spoke.

"Was I better than Uruha?"

Aoi's calm expression visibly turned into a frown. Ruki had better known than to compare himself to Uruha or to any other person right after sex... or maybe it's just because of Uruha. Rolling his eyes, Aoi withdrew his hand from Ruki's back and reached for the bedside table to get his lighter and cigarettes.

"What a nice thing to ask right after sex," Aoi spat out as tactlessly, taking out one stick from the box and lighting it. He was always so hostile whenever the blond guitarist's name was mentioned, after all.

***

Ruki smiled brightly when Aoi kissed his head gently, making him feel good and welcome. He knew he would extraordinarily piss Aoi off with that question but for some reason he couldn't help it. After all Aoi did have sex with Uruha, too, and Ruki was, maybe, just a bit jealous. Though yes, the blonde could have thanked him first.

He could practically feel Aoi frown and needed to chuckle softly but there was a pang of guilt as well because he had just ruined the whole moment.

"I was just asking for your opinion," Ruki explained innocently, propping himself up a bit to be able to see Aoi's face. "I thought you knew from how hard I came all over your hands that I loved it." He smiled, stealing Aoi's cigarette to take a drag himself. His features softened when he saw Aoi looked still not pleased with him which gave Ruki a bad feeling.

***

Ruki did royally fuck up their only time for relaxation. The mention of Uruha's name made Aoi unable to bask in the afterglow anymore. Had he been born a little more evil, he'd have thrown the younger off his bed. But since he wasn't, he just continued to frown there and slowly pull out of Ruki. Ever since the other guitarist's name was said he found having his cock still up Ruki's ass kind of uncomfortable.

"I don't rate the people who I've had sex with, really," he answered bluntly right after having pulled from Ruki, and then discarded the condom on the floor. Aoi reached for the bedside table again for some tissue to wipe his hand with then took another cigarette stick for himself, clearly letting Ruki know that he wasn't going to share his cigarette and that he wasn't amused at all with this conversation.

Not even Ruki's vulgar utterance of how much he enjoyed the sex made Aoi budge from his sudden bad mood. He just took another drag on his stick then straightened up so that he was fully leaning against the headboard. "Besides, I was drunk when I had sex with him, so I really wouldn't know."

***

Ruki watched silently how Aoi pulled out of him and moved to lie next to him, carefully not to touch his body anyhow. By taking a new cigarette because the blonde had stolen his previous one Aoi made perfectly clear he didn't want any contact with the vocalist right now.

He had meant that sentence more like a joke and not a serious question. Because he would have never thought Aoi would react this way and push him away. It hurt Ruki to fall from Aoi's grace and even having him displeased felt weird. Though he didn't even know if Aoi was the one overreacting or if Ruki had been unthoughtful.

"I see," He muttered quietly and got up from the bed, walking to the bathroom to clean himself. Regarding himself in the mirror Ruki saw his face fall, what was it that Aoi was doing to him? Why did he even care so much what the other thought?

Coming back he placed a towel next to Aoi on the bed, careful not to look at the older male. Ruki turned and went to pick up his clothes and get dressed again. He had wished to be able to stay with Aoi but he had made it quite clear Ruki wasn't welcome anymore.

Pulling his pants on Ruki stepped on one of the legs, tripped over and with a thud fell onto the floor, "Ah... fuck!”

***

With brows still creased, Aoi shifted his head to the side so as to avoid making his eyes fall to Ruki either. His look landed on the curtained window, and he could only imagine how it was still bright and shiny outside, while here he and Ruki were, just finished having sex. Unfaithful sex, not to mention, which made Aoi sigh more than exhale the smoke. For a moment it made him guilty and his features softened, and then he felt Ruki move away from him. He frowned again. Seriously, why did Ruki have to mention Uruha anyway?

Aoi didn't even move to look towards Ruki's direction when he left, and instead he just blindly pulled the sheets over him. It was highly illogical for him to get pissed like this but then again, there is no logical or illogical when it came to the matters of the heart. The older man continued to somewhat 'sulk' there even until Ruki got out of the bathroom.

Only when there was a crashing sound against his floor did he budge, causing him to jerk up and immediately jump to the floor, almost tripping himself due to the covers that he had on his hips.

"Ru, you alright?" he asked immediately as he helped the younger up, all his annoyance and bitterness earlier gone without a trace.

***

Now that the complete bliss of orgasm was gone the brutal reality crashed down on Ruki and he fully realised what he just did and felt his bad consciousness start to nag his brain. It wouldn't stop for a long time now. But didn't Ruki agree to this? Didn't he want to? Ruki shook his head. It was all wrong.

"T-thank you," Ruki stuttered as Aoi helped him up, staggering a bit. He had bumped his head but that wasn't of much importance anymore. Though the shock that he had fallen was still visible on his confused face.

"Aoi," Ruki's eyes got teary as he gripped Aoi's wrist which he still held. Aoi was mad at him because he made such an improper and stupid comment. And moreover he had just betrayed his loving boyfriend. Ruki was about to cry because his whole world seemed to crumble in that moment.

***

Aoi guided Ruki until the both of them were sitting by the edge of the bed. He was about to get some ice to tend the younger's head just in case if there was any bump, but just as he was about to go, he felt Ruki's grip tighten around his wrist. He looked at Ruki, who was almost in tears, and his heart jumped. What did he do now?

"Ru... wait, please don't cry...!" Aoi actually wanted to ask why the younger was about to cry but had only managed to plead. So many things could've led to this, and Aoi was also to blame. In that split second he panicked, but then getting Ruki not to cry seemed to be more important. Aoi softly ran his thumb under the younger's eyes so as to prevent him from actually crying, but even he knew that was futile.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath and just held the small blond close.

***

As Ruki saw the panic and fear in Aoi's eyes he wanted to cry even more and moved to stand up again. He knew Aoi couldn't handle him when he cried and he really didn't want to bother the guitarist anymore after all what had happened today.

But then Aoi had had already pulled him into a strong embrace. Sobbing bitterly Ruki cried against Aoi's bare chest until he needed to take a deep breath. He couldn't follow Aoi's request to stop crying, he felt so guilty.

"A-aoi, I'm so so s-sorry!" He hiccupped between sobs, staring up at the older male. "I didn't mean what I said... not in that way!" Ruki started to rant, shaking his head as if he just hated himself to the utmost intend. "I was just jealous..."

***

Aoi flinched a little once he felt the wetness of Ruki's tears on his skin. He was never good when it came to these kinds of situations because firstly, men shouldn't cry like that, and secondly, he has absolutely no idea what to do to make anybody calm down when they cry. The least he could do is to hold the younger tightly, hoping that he'd finish crying already. Aoi hasn't felt this distraught in a long while, to be honest.

"It's okay Rucchan, really," he breathed out quickly as he caressed the soft skin of Ruki's cheek, looking back at him with worried eyes. "Please don't cry okay? I'm really not mad at you, you can stop crying now..."

Even so, deep inside Aoi's thoughts he knew that Ruki had every reason to be jealous of Uruha. How Aoi reacted to the blond's name was already an indication of how strongly felt for him, regardless if Aoi doesn't admit that to himself.

"It's okay Ru, I'm not mad, please stop crying," he repeated, not knowing anything else to say, as he started to rub on the younger's shoulder soothingly.

***

Ruki knew he was asking too much of Aoi by crying into his shoulder but now that he was here, what he should do. Aoi wouldn't let him leave like this, either.

But once Aoi started to speak in his deep voice Ruki relaxed a bit and didn't cry so hard anymore. Now he was just sniffing while his tears slowly stopped falling from his eyes.

Aoi telling Ruki he wasn't mad did a great deal to calm the blonde down. He felt relieved and didn't care if Aoi was just saying it because he was giving him a hard time and cried, or if he really meant it that way. Though Ruki still didn't understand why the older male had reacted that way in the first place. What was wrong with him and Uruha?

Heaving deep breaths Ruki had stopped crying and brushed his cheeks dry with the back of his hand. He stared at Aoi but didn't know what to say, so he just leaned against his shoulder and mumbled a "thank you" very quietly, still panting a bit.

***

Once Ruki calmed down a little bit, Aoi let out a relieved sigh but still continued to rub on the blond's shoulder, not wanting to look as if he just comforted him so he'd shut up. Though it really was like that for the most part.

Aoi then wiped the remaining wetness on Ruki's face until it was all really dry. Still, he frowned as he looked back at the younger, noticing the redness in his eyes. If he went out like this it would look like Aoi was the one who made him cry. He knew it was partly true, but he really didn't want to look like the bad guy.

With another sigh Aoi held onto both of Ruki's shoulders and gently pushed him from his body, but then leaned in to kiss the blond's forehead affectionately. "You okay now?" he asked, giving the younger a rather awkward smile.

***

Ruki clearly noticed uneasiness and distraught in Aoi's behaviour, his eyes gave him away like usual. It could have made Ruki cry again but he gulped the sob back and just watched how Aoi pushed him away from his body. He couldn't even smile anymore when he kissed his forehead, though that was one of the things he loved the most.

The blonde felt as if he was truly alone. Not even Aoi was backing him when it became tough. Ruki had to decide if he really wanted to give everything up for the older male or if that had been a one-time only mistake. He really didn't know.

Nodding slightly Ruki averted his eyes, feeling stupid and childish. And guilty. He had just betrayed his boyfriend, how could he feel okay? Ruki didn't blame Aoi. It had been his decision alone; if he hadn't wanted to he could have just gone home.

"I guess I better go then..." Ruki mumbled and stood up to finally get dressed.

***

"Okay." Aoi just watched Ruki get up, and when he noticed that he wasn't going to need any help anymore, he plopped back on the bed and went back to his discarded cigarette. This had been quite a nerve-wracking day.

As he stared at the ceiling he contemplated on how fucked up this meeting had been. He did like and care for Ruki a lot and he didn't want to take away his happiness now that he's found it, but inviting him over and having sex (regardless of how great it was) with him wasn't exactly the way of doing things.

Why did he have sex with Ruki and fell weak to his desires anyway? He could've just restrained himself, talked with him, and let him go on with his life. If this was the doing of being a hermit for ten straight days then he really should go out more.

Aoi let his gaze fall back on Ruki as he took a drag on his cigarette.

***

Ruki heard Aoi fall back onto the bed behind his back and sighed audibly. The older male really was unbelievable. What did Ruki give to have Akira now here, who would have looked after him and not let him go like nothing happened. Aoi really gave Ruki the feeling he didn't care at all.

Putting his pants and shirt back on Ruki turned around noticing he couldn't forget something because there wasn't anything to forget.

"You're not gonna hold me back, will you?" Ruki asked dryly but still hope resounding through his words. Why was he still hoping? Why was it so important Aoi needed him? Ruki wanted to ask Aoi all that but the older male probably didn't know an answer, either. After all Aoi didn't even have the courage or will to demand Ruki for himself.

***

To Aoi, Ruki's words sounded like a demand. He knew how the younger was always forceful with whatever he wanted to have -- today's endeavor being one of the examples of it -- but Aoi wasn't like that. Though he wanted Ruki too, he just didn't have the heart to take him just like that, not when there were hearts to be broken, lives to be screwed up, and other things to think about.

He sat back up and frowned deeply, deeming that this wasn't fair at all. Ruki was pushing him to the edge in his weakest time. But when his eyes fell on the blond's face, he couldn't maintain his expression anymore; he couldn't possibly be that angry to that person he's already come to love. But he acknowledged it still wasn't fair.

"It's not fair Ruki," he mumbled silently as he averted his eyes from the younger, taking in another drag of the cancer stick. He stood up finally and went in front of Ruki, looking him in the eye, not caring whether his words would hurt him or not. "If I hold you back right now, everything's gonna be all the more wrong than they already are now. I know that when you want something you don't really care about anything else, but I'm not like that. You need to assure me there wouldn't be any other strings attached if we do this."

Closing his eyes, Aoi sighed again and pulled the smaller man close to him, holding him tightly. "The only way that I can hold you back right now is like this."

***

Ruki was carefully listening to what Aoi said and contemplated his words before he said anything. He was so reckless and thoughtless most of the time even though he noticed so much in his surroundings, in the end it just revolved around himself. It was hard for the blonde to try and think like Aoi did, to understand Ruki was forcing him into a corner where he didn't have a choice anymore.

Wrapping his arms around Aoi Ruki felt his face fall. It was hopeless. The prospect of becoming serious with Aoi seemed to be without any chance of success. He felt himself being rejected again. Yes, It was unfair. Now that Ruki had found his happiness Aoi came by again and the blonde got sucked towards him again, forgetting he actually already had a wonderful relationship. It was wrong and Ruki didn't want to feel like this towards Aoi but nevertheless he was like he couldn't do anything against it.

"Any other strings than sex?" Ruki asked quietly against Aoi's still bare chest. The older's skin still smelled like Aoi's distinct scent and sweat. It made Ruki sigh and tighten his embrace for a moment. He wasn't even sure if Aoi really wanted to be with him, in case he broke up with Aki. God, that sounded so awful.

***

"Wait, I'm still sticky," Aoi interrupted suddenly with a small laugh, though he let the younger embrace him tighter anyway. This probably wasn't the time when Ruki would care whether his clothes got Aoi's sweat or not. Aoi was merely trying to lighten up the mood, no matter how morose it really should be.

The brunet then cleared his throat and stared outward, absently tending to his cigarette again. "Yeah," he finally answered as he blew, "If we're gonna get together, then I should at least know that you guys broke up on good terms or something like that. No hard feelings and all. I know I'm asking too much of you Ru, but that's the only way I can go with all this. I'll wait." He actually wanted to reiterate that he's not promising anything, but that would make him sound like he didn't want Ruki at all. And Ruki might already have that on his mind.

***

"It's okay," Ruki shook his head softly, resting it against Aoi's chest again. He didn't care if his clothes got sweaty or not, after all Ruki knew why Aoi was still sticky. A small smile stretched Ruki's lips when he listened to Aoi's words.

"Okay," He said quietly, not looking up this time. "I understand," There was nothing serious or hurtful in Ruki's voice. Now that Aoi had said him clearly under what conditions he would be able to be together with Ruki the blonde at least knew what to believe and consider.

On the one hand Ruki could understand Aoi didn't want to be the one breaking a happy couple but on the other side he wished Aoi would tell him he wanted him under any condition. Ah, Ruki was demanding too much again. If he broke up with Aki it would be terrible, he knew his lover, he knew how emotional and furious he could become.

"Thank you, Aoi," Ruki breathed with a smile and leaned upward to look at the older male. Slowly he closed the last centimetre of space between them and placed a gentle kiss to Aoi's lips.

***

It scared Aoi how Ruki seemed to be so willing in throwing away everything that he had with Aki just to be with him. It wasn't that he was scared that the younger just might do the same if ever they got together, but he was scared at how determined Ruki could get. This might very well cause some problems in the future, but Aoi closed his eyes and tried clearing his head, trying not to think of what the future might hold for him.

Aoi just shook his head as Ruki thanked him, there was nothing for the younger to thank him for, after all. If anything, he should be blaming him for an impending break-up.

"No problem," he managed to reply anyway, as he responded to the kiss that Ruki placed on his lips.

***

Ruki had rarely ever felt in his life before the state where he wasn't sure about his feelings. Most of the time it was rather the situation that he didn't want to admit his true feelings and just thought he wasn't sure. But upon speaking with other people, mostly poor Reita, he often figured out what he wanted.

Actually Ruki wanted both of them, Aoi and Aki, but since that wasn't possible he had to make a decision and figure out who he wanted more. Love was really a complicated thing.

Ruki felt Aoi was still tensed and so he made the kiss more passionate, wanting the older to forget just for another moment how fucked up their situation was and enjoy being together with Ruki now.

"I'm not blaming you, Aoi," Ruki finally said, his voice even and neutral, "It is my decision after all." He let his fingers stroke over Aoi's cheek and wanted to pull away which felt so hard. He didn't know when he would ever be this close to Aoi again.

***

Aoi relaxed a little as Ruki started to take the kiss up a notch, wishing that this feeling would be the one to last for a longer time. But since reality was never that kind, he just let himself be lost in the sensation, even for just a few minutes.

"I'm glad to hear that," the older simply said, letting Ruki's finger drift over his skin. It was a relief to know that Ruki was going to take responsibility for all of what would happen. But of course he couldn't help but blame himself a little bit inside, too.

***

Ruki felt Aoi relax and it made him happy, that a kiss they shared could still take Aoi's breath away and make him forget about the world around him. He sighed and started to take steps backwards and since his arms were still around the older male he hoped Aoi would follow him. Sooner or later Ruki had to go, he couldn't possibly stay at Aoi's place.

Thinking about leaving Ruki's thoughts automatically drifted to Aki and his heart almost stopped beating for a second. He was so afraid of telling Aki the truth but he had to or it wouldn't be fair. Aki had the right to know what happened and Ruki didn't want to continue betraying him behind his back, either.

***

Aoi noticed the sudden change in Ruki's expression; it probably was the consequences of what he had to do dawning on him. Aoi couldn't help but frown at that -- he wasn't forcing Ruki to do anything now, was he? But as much as he would like to delude himself that at the end of the day, he shouldn't be blamed or involved in anymore shit, he knew perfectly that it wouldn't go like that. He wanted this as much as Ruki did; just that he doesn't have enough courage to stand by his decision.

Taking another drag of his cigarette, Aoi faced away from Ruki, though he started rubbing on the younger's arm lovingly. He knew Ruki had to go now, but for some reason he couldn't break the connection they had just yet.

***

Ruki saw Aoi frowning and had a good guess why he was making such a face. It felt nice to be held back, not wanting to let go, feeling Aoi wanted to have him here. Smiling affectionately at the older male Ruki took his hand, entwining their fingers.

"I have to go..." He said quietly, putting in words what they both knew but didn't want to hear. Ruki felt it was unfair he couldn't stay with Aoi, as if someone had forbidden him to do so, but actually it was he himself who didn't allow it. As much as he liked to stay...

"I-I talk to Aki," Ruki announced a bit shakily, not really knowing if he wanted to that or just be a coward. But if Aoi didn't have the courage to fight for them, who would if not Ruki.

***

"Mmm." Turning his head towards the smaller man, Aoi gave a small nod, reluctantly removing his arm from Ruki's shoulders. It was his request -- demand -- after all, for Ruki not to be attached to anybody if they wanted to do this, and knowing Ruki, he stays true to his word and does what he needs to do fast. A no-nonsense person, very much unlike him.

Aoi swallowed thickly as he finally heard the words from Ruki. His heart jumped at Aki's name, knowing it would be his heart to be broken, and for a moment he wished Ruki wasn't so hasty in getting things over with. But there was the small hope that he might not break up with Aki just yet, but somehow Aoi doubted about that.

He sighed, pulling on the bed sheet behind him and started escorting the younger out.

***

Even if Ruki didn't break up with Aki just yet, how would it continue? Wouldn't Aoi refuse seeing Ruki anymore? If Aoi didn't want an affair, there would only be one conclusion.

No matter how Ruki internally refused to end his relationship with Aki, if he had to... Well, he could always say no to Aoi. Sadly Ruki had the feeling if he did that he wouldn't fully live his love for Aki anymore and destroy what they have piece by piece. He sighed at that thought, one way or the other Aki's heart would be broken.

Nevertheless Ruki had to smile when Aoi wrapped the bed sheetsaround his waist and took him to the door. He looked so sexy like that, a cigarette still between his full lips and his body evaporating a tempting scent.

"I see you tomorrow at the studio," Ruki said with a smile and got on his toes to give Aoi a last kiss.

***

The both of them passed the living room with Aoi dragging the sheet across the floor and his hand on Ruki's shoulder. As they stood before his front door, Aoi took his cigarette, and leaned in to Ruki's kiss.

"Yeah." With that Aoi opened the door for the younger, and light flooded the otherwise gloomy apartment. Even so, it didn't lift the guitarist's spirit one bit.
Tags: aoi/ruki
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