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花 言 葉 × h a n a k o t o b a
seems that soon i'll wither away without knowing the answer
Transience - Aoi/Ruki (1/1) 
Jun 25 09
Title: Transience
Chapter(s): 1/1
Author: xxshamisen
Genre: Drama, romance
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Pairing: Aoi/Ruki, hinted Aoi/Uruha, mentioned Ruki/?, suggested Ruki/Aoi/Uruha
Disclaimer: Real people, real circumstances, fake stories.
Summary: He looked at Ruki's sleeping form, so serene and blissful, and with tears as his quill and his own face as parchment, Aoi wrote him a letter.
Comments: My Aoi is the most dramatic muse in the history of RP, I swear. I was supposed to make this a journal entry for him, but then I realized he'd never write something like that LOL. This is my last piece before I die, and I shall die a few hours from now. x_x;;

I’m sorry.

The words in my vocabulary could never express how much I regret the things that I’ve done and what I’m about to do. What we have here is the mistake, not you. This is a mistake because now I might hurt you more than ever... I will hurt you more than ever, and I know I’ll never be able to help it. I never should’ve listened to my impulses of wanting to hold you, kiss you, feel you in my skin. I already foresaw what’s going to happen – I’m sorry for pretending to be blissfully ignorant to the outcomes too – and I never should’ve succumbed to my own selfishness.

I love you.

Don’t think that I only agreed to be with you out of pity, because that’s not true. I love you from the depths of my heart, more than words can say. I may not show my love as often as you show it to me, but the love I have for you, I’d like to believe, is as intense as the love you have for me. It goes far beyond the desires of the flesh, and even if you may argue otherwise, I know in my heart that that’s the truth.

These are just words, I know. Unlike you, I never was a wizard with words and I can’t weave them in the way I really want to. And no matter how much and how many times I say I love you, like I just did, they will only sound like compensation, excuses for not being able to give you my all.

You’re not a hard person to offer and give a life to; I would if I could. But the heart is a complicated thing and as much as I want you to be the only one occupying mine, there’s somebody else who’s made a way in there too, and he’s there to stay.

Please don’t ask me who I love more between the two of you because I would never be able to answer. Before I could, I’ll surely tear myself apart.

I know what you’ll say – that I’m a poor excuse for a man, that I never know what I want, and that I’m a heartless bastard for making you believe that there’s still hope for the two of us. But I also know you’ll bite your tongue just before spilling those words because you won’t want to blame me for everything that happened. That you’re to blame as much as I am, because even if you already have a loving arm to sink into every night, still, you chose me, who’s never sure and never promising anything.

Sooner or later I will break your heart. There’s nothing I want more than to save you from myself, but how can a pair of hands fix something that it’s breaking? The answer to that is to stop, set it down, and take a step back. But I’m far too weak to that. I’m far too weak to let go of you or him for now, even if I know that someday I just might lose you both. And that would be retribution – yours, his, and all of those whose hearts the three of us have broken along the way.

My wish is to make everything work out for the three of us right now, but that’s a wish, I think, even God won’t be able to grant. So just let me close my arm around you in your slumber, let me feel the breath from your lips against mine, if only for this moment.
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
very nice in deed.. xDD
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Thank you. :3
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Haha, I'm joining Urumuse at that if you won't. 8D
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
liked it. <33

it makes my heart warm to read fics like this.. too many angst this days. ;_;
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Ahah, I thought you said this fic is angsty xD Well anyway, I'm glad you liked it! ♥
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Aoimuse was really nagging me to make this~
Jun 26 09 (UTC)
I'm glad he did though
I wish he would say this to Ruki, too
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Damn it. This was beautiful. Heartbreaking. It feels like you've outdone yourself. I really don't know what else to say, only in blissy's fashion: <3
Jun 25 09 (UTC)
Aww, thanks Ninja! ♥ First time writing some actual drama without much angst ahah~
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